He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
