come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
