They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
