It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
