Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
