i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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