I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
