i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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