Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
