What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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