Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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