he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
