I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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