I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize