felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
