I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
