smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
