She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
