Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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