The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it because I queefed?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just puked most of my soul out..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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