never play flip cup with pint glasses
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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