My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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