I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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