Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
