I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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