i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
