I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
