I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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