"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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