Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
