Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
