there's paper in my vomit.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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