Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
