I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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