No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
