So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
