You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
