FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
