You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
