Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so much tequila, so little girl.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
