I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
