Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
