You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
