Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
