i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
