Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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