With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
