Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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