the condom got lost in my hair
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize