the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
