btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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