5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we're making bets on your personal life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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