He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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