am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
