i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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