i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
