I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
