so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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