dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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