I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
