Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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