All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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