Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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