My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
