finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
