How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
