I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
