Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
