Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
