things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize