Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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