1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
