There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
