barbara walters just said penis...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
