my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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