cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
