Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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