there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
