i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
