omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I would ride that face into the sunset
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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