Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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