she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
