and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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