i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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