the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
