His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
