Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
